Another Chance
by shulesaddict77
Summary: !SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON 4 FINALE! If you repeat the same mistakes over and over again there will come the day when you realize that you might not get another chance to do it right.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Rookie Blue story. I started to watch the show about a week ago and fell instantly in love with Sam and Andy. I grinned like an idiot during the locker room scene, their chemistry sucking me in immediately. But what really sealed the deal was their almost kiss in episode 2. I saw it and was like ... 'Holy crap! That's it! I have a new ship!' :-)**

**SPOILER ALERT!**

**So, this story is mainly inspired by the ambulance scene from the season 4 promo and some other spoilers that are floating around. I don't really know how it will all go down exactly but my muse has her own idea and came up with this. If you don't want to be spoiled you shouldn't read this and for all of you who are spoiler junkies like I am ... I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: These perfectly flawed characters are sadly not mine!**

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**Chapter 1**

"Sam!" Oliver shouted as he jumped out of the car before it was even standing still. "Sam! You're not wearing a vest!"

He knew he was breaking every protocol but he didn't care. It was Andy and when it came to her he was losing his grip on his professionalism on a regular basis. That had been the main reason he had broken up with her. The fear that something could happen to her, leaving him behind with grief he had no idea how to deal with. He wasn't good with feelings. Never had been. Probably never would be.

But he should have known that breaking up with her wouldn't change anything. It didn't make it easier. It almost made it worse. But he hadn't known how to apologize. He hadn't known how he could explain to her what an idiot he had been. And then he had said the three words he'd never said before in his life and she had just left and he'd realized that letting the real feelings in did only make you weak, made your heart vulnerable and he'd closed it off, jumping into a relationship with Marlo, trying to get his life in order but at the end he was failing miserable because he was still deeply in love with Andy. Wanting to stop loving her didn't erase the feeling. It was as strong as it had ever been, he had just buried it deep inside.

The thoughts were racing through his mind as he sprinted towards the warehouse, hoping that he wouldn't be too late. Hoping beyond belief that they might get another chance. He slowed down as he came near the building, knowing that he should make his approach as quiet as possible. He drew his weapon out of its holster, closing his eyes for a few seconds, taking in some deep breaths to calm down his racing heart.

He listened intently for any sound from inside and could only make out one male voice. The door was slightly ajar and he pulled away from the wall he'd been pressed against to get a quick glimpse inside the building.

One person. He could only see one person. Good. One person was good. He wouldn't even need backup. He could deal with one person. A voice inside his head was shouting at him to stop being so reckless but he just ignored it and slammed his foot against the door, rushing into the warehouse.

"Police! Drop your weapon!"

Everything happened so fast that he didn't see it coming. For just a split second his focus wavered from the man pointing the gun at him. A rookie mistake. But he needed to make sure she was okay and then he heard the shots fired in the same moment pain ripped through him and he stared down his body, two red stains forming on his shirt and his gun clattered to the ground as his knees gave out under him.

A second later the room was filled with shouting voices as Oliver and the backup arrived and then through the cacophony of noises surrounding him he heard her voice. "Sam!"

A moment later she was kneeling beside him, her hands coming immediately to his stomach, pressing on the wounds as she tried desperately to slow down the bleeding. He could hardly breathe, his heart was galloping in his chest and he focused his gaze on her, seeing the fear written all over her face as she leaned down to him so that he could hear her over the noise.

"No! Don't do that to me! You can't die on me! Do you hear me? Sam, stay with me! Please!"

There was so much blood. No matter how hard she pressed it was flowing through her fingers. His face was eerily pale and his breath completely erratic.

"Andy, I ..." His voice faltered and dark spots appeared in front of his eyes and her hand closed around his as he tried to lift his fingers to her face and the last thing he heard before he was sucked into the darkness was her voice, shouting his name.

"Sam!"

~S&A~

The next hour went by in a blur. The medics pulling her away. Their fast but controlled movements as they tried to get the bleeding under control. The ride in the ambulance. His cold skin under her lips as she pressed a kiss against his forehead. A pleading voice piercing through the fog surrounding her. A voice she had a hard time recognizing as her own as she was begging him over and over again to not leave her.

And now she was standing in the bathroom after they'd wheeled him into surgery, staring at her bloodstained hands. He had lost so much blood and pictures of a similar scene popped up in her brain. The day Jerry had died.

"Hey."

Andy hadn't even heard the door open and she flinched as Traci's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Hey." Andy said with a shaking voice, balling her hands into fists as she stared at her best friend. She couldn't say anything but she didn't need to. Both of them were thinking the same.

Not again. Not so soon.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Traci said softly, stepping beside her, turning on the water and pulling her forward, putting her hands under the stream and Andy watched the red swirls going down the drain, having the odd feeling that she wasn't only washing his blood away but also his life.

"I can't lose him." Her voice was hoarse, the words barely audible as she dried her hands with a paper towel.

"I know."

~S&A~

She'd changed into fresh clothes, trying to eat the sandwich Traci had put into her hand but she wasn't able to gulp down more than a few bites. A part of her expected the worst. A part of her just waited for the surgeon to emerge out of the operating area with this telltale expression on his face, delivering the news that Sam didn't make it.

When the surgeon finally appeared she was almost one hundred percent certain that he would tell them that Sam died in surgery and her heart clenched in her chest but the first words out of his mouth made her grasp for a chair, the relief so overwhelming that she nearly fainted.

"He is stable. For now. One bullet ruptured his spleen, the other missed his heart only by a few inches and nicked an artery. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. Now we can only wait. He'd lost a lot of blood. The next twenty-four hours are crucial."

"Can I see him?"

"You know the procedure, officer. Only next of kin ..."

"She is his partner." Traci interrupted him, not caring that technically Andy wasn't his partner anymore. "He risked his life to save her. Can't she have a few minutes to see that he is okay?"

"Okay. But only a minute."

Andy slipped into his room, walking slowly towards the bed. The steady beeping of the heart monitor felt soothing, telling her that he was still alive. But when she reached him she couldn't touch him, afraid that a simple touch would break her. She didn't know how long she would be able to keep it together.

She had almost lost him. She could still lose him.

Suddenly the air in the room was too thick to breathe in and she hurried out the door, slumping against the wall outside the room, closing her eyes and forcing herself to take deep and calm breaths. She would not get a panic attack.

She could hear someone approach and then a hand closed around her shoulder, Traci's quiet voice reaching her ears. "You should go home. Get some sleep."

"I can't." Andy whispered. "I need to stay."

~S&A~

She knew she wasn't allowed to be standing outside his room but the nurses just overlooked her and she was grateful that they let her stay. Minutes ticked by, hours, the hospital calming down around her and it was in the middle of the night as a cup of coffee suddenly appeared in front of her and she looked up surprised, her eyes meeting Nick's.

He stayed beside her, a few minutes of silence passing before he cleared his throat and turned around to her, waiting for her to meet his gaze. "You still love him, don't you?"

"Nick, I ... " She trailed off, not knowing what she should say. What was the point in denying something that was so obvious? But she shouldn't have given him hope that they could ever be more than friends. It had been unfair on her side to make him wait because she had known the answer all along. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." Nick said softly and leaning down he gave her a quick peck on her cheek, pulling her into a short hug before he stepped back and walked away. But before he reached the corner he turned around, addressing her again. "Oh, and Andy?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell him."

~S&A~

She didn't know how long she was standing in front of his room, staring through the window at his pale form under the blanket. She needed to make a decision, weighing up pros and cons in her head, trying to do the right thing for both of them. She had moved on or at least she had tried. But as his blood was seeping through her fingers she realized that moving on from him was only possible if she would cut all the ties. Even though she would never forget him. A part of her would always love him. A piece of her heart would always belong to him.

But the events of the day also showed that their love was dangerous. The normally cool-headed Detective Sam Swarek always seemed to lose his head when she was in danger. He had broken up with her because he couldn't do it anymore, ripped her heart out as he left her in the parking lot.

But the months she'd spent undercover made her see things more clearly. Maybe he was right. Maybe their feelings for each other were clouding their judgment when it came to situations in which they needed to have a clear head. But then he had been standing right in front of her again and his face had lit up with such a genuine smile that her heart had jumped into her throat.

But it was all a lie. He was in a relationship with another woman. The kiss she'd witnessed had been like a slap in the face. Six months earlier he'd told her that he loved her just to turn around and start sleeping with another woman. He had hurt her. Again. Admitting to herself that she was still in love with him didn't change the fact that they weren't good for each other. They couldn't make each other happy.

It didn't work. They didn't work. They'd tried but failed.

She couldn't lose him but she couldn't live with him either. Maybe it was time to leave. Maybe they needed some space. Space and time. Maybe it would make it easier for both of them to go on with their lives when they were not seeing each other every day.

It was the best for both of them.

She pushed herself away from the wall and opened the door to his room quietly. She had made her decision.

"Hey there." Andy pushed the chair closer to his bed to sit down. Stretching out her hand, she brushed her fingers carefully over his arm, gulping down tears that threatened to choke her, making it almost impossible to speak but she straightened, forcing herself to keep going. "You scared the crap out of me, you know. For a second I thought you would leave without saying goodbye. You saved my life, Sam. And I ... I love you. God, I love you so much and seeing you with Marlo it ... it kills me."

The tears she couldn't hold back any longer started to stream down her face, her vision blurred and she wiped them away angrily, scolding herself for being so pathetic. She had made a decision and now she had to stick to it. Crying wouldn't make it any easier to tell him what she needed to tell him even though he couldn't hear her and she took in a deep breath before she continued.

"But she is good for you. You seem happy and you and I ... we keep hurting each other. I know I left you twice, put the job above our relationship, but you didn't keep your promise either. You just walked out when it got hard. You've promised me you wouldn't go without a fight. But you just shoved me out of your life as if I wasn't important as if we didn't have anything else but a fling. But this ... what we had ... it was so much more than that. You broke my heart and I also broke yours. So you see, we are apparently not able to love each other without constantly hurting each other. So we better leave it be. Before the love that is still there will turn into hate."

Her hands were shaking as she stood up and leaning forward she whispered into his ear. "I love you, Sam Swarek. I always have. I always will. I just wish we would have had a fighting chance to make it work. But it isn't meant to be. We need to stop trying before one of us gets killed."

Her hands reached automatically for his cheeks, cupping his face and she pressed her lips against his for a last kiss before she pulled back, biting her tongue to not start sobbing hysterically.

She walked towards the door slowly, her steps faltering as she reached it and turning around to him one more time, she took in a sharp breath, a lonely tear slipping down her cheek as she could feel her heart break. "I love you."

The door clicked shut behind her and he tilted his head, opening his eyes, blinking a few times to clear his vision. His mind was foggy, everything was hurting but his gaze went to the window, something in him pulling his eyes toward her departing form. For a second he thought it had been just a dream, a hallucination, but when he closed his eyes again he could still feel her lips on his and he could swear her last words were still lingering in the air, her voice whispering them in his ear.

_I love you _


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you very much for the reviews, favorites and follows. I'm glad you enjoy the story. :-)**

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**Chapter 2**

She stopped in the door, looking back at all the boxes littering the floor. Everything was packed and ready to get moved to Montreal. She would start her new job there in four weeks but she'd decided to actually take a vacation and not stay in Toronto for this time. A friend of Traci owned a cabin near the Algonquin Provincal Park and Traci had asked him if Andy could go there.

Three months. Three months earlier she saw Sam get shot right in front of her eyes, blood being everywhere, sipping through her fingers, his eyes rolling back when he lost consciousness and for a few horrible hours she'd feared that she'd lost him. She had still nightmares about it, waking up with a start, her heart pounding, tears stuck in her throat and it always took her several minutes until she was able to calm herself down by telling herself over and over again that he was okay, that he made it. He was alive.

At first she'd wanted to leave immediately. Clean break. Just saying good-bye to her friends and leave. But she couldn't. She couldn't go until she knew he was really going to be okay. And she couldn't stay away from him. She tried but she ended up in his hospital room almost every day, always making certain that someone else was in there with her.

Every moment she could spend with him hurt like hell though. Seeing him getting stronger and stronger from day to day, seeing the life coming back into his eyes, the eerily paleness of his skin vanishing, made her simultaneously happy and sad.

She loved him. But she couldn't be with him. It was the right decision. She made the right choice. It was better for both of them. She would leave.

She had waited practically until the last moment to leave. He would come back tomorrow. After he'd been on rehab for six weeks. She knew it was cowardly to just walk away without saying good-bye but she just couldn't face him and a conversation with Traci popped back into her brain and a sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"_Don't you think he has the right to know?" Traci asked._

"_I can't tell him, Traci." Andy replied quietly. "I just can't."_

"_Well, considering that he is the love of your life you should probably try." Traci told her, noticing that her best friend didn't even make an attempt to deny it that Sam was the love of her life. _

"_Sometimes love is not enough." Andy whispered, pressing her eyes shut to keep the tears from falling._

"_That's bullshit, Andy." Traci scoffed, not sure if she wanted to throttle her for being so idiotic or wanted to hug her for sounding so defeated. "Don't hide behind some trivialized sayings. Your love was always unique. You were never normal."_

"_See exactly. We tried to be normal but couldn't make it work."_

"_Normal is boring, Andy. You don't want normal." Traci said, watching her friend intently, waiting for her to meet her eyes before she added. "You want Sam."_

"_But I shouldn't want him." Andy replied, her voice taking on a frantic tone. "Look what happened to him. I almost lost him."_

"_It wasn't your fault." Traci tried to reason with her._

"_But he acted so reckless because I was in danger. He didn't give his own safety one thought." _

"_So you just leave to keep him safe? What kind of logic is that? He is a cop, Andy! The danger comes with the job."_

"_You think I don't know that." Andy snapped. "But it wouldn't be my fault if something happens to him. He wouldn't die trying to protect me."_

"_You are making a mistake, Andy."_

"_I just ..." She trailed off, gulping hard before she continued. "You know I get it now."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_When he broke up with me he told me he can't be a cop and be with me." Andy elaborated and turning around, she walked to the window, pressing her hands against the window sill and staring out into the bleak sky, she said barely above a whisper. "I get it now."_

She didn't get it back then. She was hurt and confused, her heart broken because he had left her. Because he'd just walked out of their relationship without a fight. But feeling his life drain out of him as he was lying on the ground in front of her made her realize that he had been right all along. The fear of losing him was just too much.

It was time to go. It was time to leave her old life behind. Time for a fresh start.

~S&A~

He had been in and out of consciousness for three days after his surgery and when he finally stayed conscious for a few hours straight he was relieved to see that Andy hadn't left, that she was still here.

He was watching her, careful to not let anyone see how he was studying her. He was trying to find proof that her speech wasn't only a figment of his imagination and sometimes he caught himself wondering if he'd actually just dreamed it but then he saw how she never really met his eyes, how she always left with the last person, always making sure she was never alone with him and he knew it hadn't been a dream.

But he still felt weak and he didn't want to confront her as long as he wasn't able to leave his bed. Because if she really would run he wanted to be able to go after her, not lying in a bed unable to make more than a few steps at a time.

But it had been three months now and he was back to his old strength. He was ready to get back to work, eager to finally talk to her. He would just corner her and tell her that he'd heard her. He would tell her that he reciprocated her feelings, that he was still in love with her and that he wanted to be with her. But first he had to find her.

"Where is McNally?" Sam asked Oliver, scanning the room for the umpteenth time as if she would suddenly pop up behind a desk. "I haven't seen her yet."

"You don't know?" Oliver sounded surprised and Sam turned around to him, narrowing his eyes when he saw the shocked expression on Oliver's face.

"What do I not know?"

"She quit."

"She did what?"

"I thought you know. She is gone, Sam."

"God damn it, woman."

He thought she needed time. But when had it ever been a good idea to give her time and space. He should have known she would run but her being at the hospital almost every day had lulled him into a false sense of security.

"Where are you going?" Oliver shouted as Sam hurried through the room.

"After her." He threw over his shoulder and rushed up the steps to the detective desks, grabbing Traci's arm and yanking her away from a conversation with a fellow detective. "Excuse us for a minute. I need to have a word with Detective Nash."

"Sam, what's going on?"

But he just ignored the question and pulled her down the corridor until they reached the first observation room and making sure that no one was in there he practically shoved her inside before he followed her and closed the door with a loud thud.

"Where is Andy?" He asked, having trouble to keep his composure as he stared at Traci, waiting for her answer.

"Sam, just leave her be okay." She replied softly.

"Where is she?" Sam growled, stepping forward, forcing her to stumble backwards until her back hit the wall as he was towering in front of her. "I need to see her."

"I won't tell you." Traci said stubbornly.

"Traci …" He actually backed away then, turning around to the window and she could see his fists clench and unclench beside his body, making her wonder if he would really explode in her face any second but she wasn't prepared for the expression she saw on his face as he turned back to her. She'd never seen him so open, all his feelings clearly visible in his eyes. "I love her. I've always been in love with her. I will always be in love with her. I need to talk to her. Please!"

She stared at him for a few more seconds but he didn't close up, letting her see how much he needed to see Andy and she let out a soft sigh, realizing that she would break the girl's code by doing what she intended to do but she'd always thought Andy had made a mistake by leaving everything behind.

"She is in a cabin near Huntsville. I'll send you the address to your phone."

He completely surprised her as he hauled her into his arms and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you!"

"Detective Swarek?" He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, throwing her a questioning look over his shoulder. "If you hurt her in any way …"

"I won't."

~S&A~

It wasn't working. She had hoped coming up here would help. That being somewhere where not everything reminded her of him would make it easier to move on. But it didn't. Her first thought in the morning was Sam, the moment she opened her eyes, she turned her head, staring at the empty place beside her, wishing he would lie there with her, the silence of her surroundings making it even harder to get him out of her head. She missed him. Every fiber of her being was hurting with longing. But she couldn't go back.

She wrapped her arms more firmly around herself, the harsh wind coming over the field making her shudder and she hunched her shoulders, burying her face in the fur of her jacket, telling herself that the tears in her eyes were due to the wind and not because she couldn't keep her emotions in check any longer.

She was still fighting with the tears as a strange feeling suddenly overwhelmed her. She wasn't alone anymore and she turned around slowly, staring with complete bafflement at the figure on her porch. Was she imagining him? Was the need to see him so great that she already had hallucinations?

But then he started moving, coming towards her and her legs almost gave out under her as his name slipped over her lips in a whisper.

"Sam?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for all the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**Sorry that it took me so long to update this but my chronic pain is killing me lately and I can hardly concentrate on anything. **

**But guys ... how awesome was the finale? I'm still in complete awe of the ambulance scene and the scene where Andy ran after him after he practically just told her that he is still in love with her. That was just so beautifully fantastic!**

**I know some of you expect them to talk in this chapter but I have to disappoint you. They won't talk yet. They have other things to do first! :-)**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 3**

She still wasn't sure he was really there and lifting her hand, her fingers shaking violently, she touched his arm, expecting that she wouldn't feel anything, that her hand would just go through him because she'd only imagined him. But her fingers met the cool leather of his jacket and her hand tightened, her eyes flitting up to his face, her vision swimming as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Sam?"

He stepped closer, his hands coming up to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek and she closed her eyes, tilting her head into his touch and then she could feel his nose against hers, could feel his breath brushing over her lips and as always he was taunting her, lingering a hairsbreadth away for seconds that felt like an eternity before his lips closed over hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth and a sob escaped her throat as she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, melting into his embrace.

"I've missed you so much, Sam." Andy whispered, pressing another kiss on his lips.

"I've missed you, too." Sam replied hoarsely, his arms tightening around her and with a soft sigh Andy leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes and just relishing in the feeling of being in his arms again.

For a few minutes she forgot everything around her, just breathing him in, holding him as tight as she could. She wanted to stay in that moment forever. She wanted to never let go of him again. But the cold wind rattled at their clothes and she shuddered but she was still not willing to leave his arms to go into the house. Suddenly Sam pushed her back slightly and leaned down, hooking his arm under her knees and he just swooped her up, her hands instinctively going around his neck as she held on to him, a smile tilting up her mouth as he carried her towards the house.

"Sam, put me down." Andy said the moment they stepped over the threshold. "You had major surgery."

"Do you think I'm some kind of wimp? It's been three months, Andy. I'm fine."

She opened her mouth to argue but he already lowered her to the ground and then his mouth was on her neck, teasing her with open-mouthed kisses, the kind of kisses that reduced her to a quivering mess, pulsing with desire, in seconds. His hips rocked forward and a strangled moan rumbled out of her throat as she felt him pressing hard against her.

"Oh my God, Sam."

"Holy moly?" Sam asked, a smug grin pulling up the corner of his mouth.

"Moly is not a word." Andy shot back, her lips twitching as she suppressed a smile of her own.

"Well, it is for you."

The quick smile he threw her melted her heart and tears shot in her eyes again as she remembered the first time she had uttered these words. The morning she had wanted to tell him that she was in love with him. It seemed like a life time ago. A time where everything had been perfect. Their lives had been perfect.

Jerry was still alive, he and Tracy were about to get married, Sam and she were happy. She had never felt happier in her whole life like right in that moment as he had stared back at her after she'd told him she loved him before a genuine smile had lifted up his lips as if he couldn't believe that she was really in love with him. In that moment she'd thought nothing could destroy what they had. Nothing could pull them apart. She had been so wrong.

He saw the shadows flickering over her eyes. He knew she was thinking about the past. He knew they needed to talk. But not now. Now he just needed to feel her, be in her. He'd longed for her for so long. He couldn't wait any longer.

"McNally?" He waited until she locked eyes with him, the hurt, the pain still lingering there making his heart constrict. He did this to her. He was the one who caused her pain and his voice came out in a hoarse whisper, the words alone not able to show her how deep his love really was but he knew she needed to hear them and he needed to say them out loud. "I love you."

She let out a shuddering breath, not able to say anything, the emotions running through her body rendering her speechless and she just hooked her hand behind his belt and pulled him towards the bedroom, her fingers already working on undressing him before they even reached the bed. She needed him. She didn't want to think about anything right now. She didn't want to think about the past. About the future. Right now she only wanted him.

When he pulled his shirt over his head the sight knocked the breath out of her. He was all smooth muscles and toned skin but it was the sight of the scars on his abdomen that made her struggle to catch her breath. Her fingers skimmed over them, her throat closing up when she was once again reminded how close he'd come to dying. The tears were threatening to fall again and she bit her tongue, not wanting to start sobbing again but then she felt his finger under her chin, pulling it up until she met his gaze.

"I'm still here, McNally." Sam said softly, cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing over her lips. "I didn't die."

"But a few inches higher and ..." Andy started, not able to finish the sentence. The fear of losing him was still too fresh, the nightmares were still reminding her almost every night of the moment he was lying on the floor, the hours in the waiting room of the hospital when she didn't know if he would live or die.

"Do I need to prove it to you how much alive I am?" Sam asked, searching her face and she couldn't keep her fingers from trembling as she pressed them over his scars. His eyes turned soft and tangling his fingers in her hair, he spoke barely above a whisper. "Okay, let me show you."

And then he leaned down, taking her mouth hungrily, kissing her with all the passion they'd tried to deny for so long and a whimper escaped her as his hand grabbed her waist and howled her into his body, his fingers digging almost painfully into her flesh.

They only needed seconds to get rid of their clothes and he pushed her down on the bed, settling between her legs before he suddenly stopped. A small smile appeared on his face and he shifted his weight on his right hand, reaching for her hand and pulling it up he placed it directly over his heart, his voice hoarse with emotions as he said.

"Make sure it doesn't stop beating."

Curling her fingers over his heart, she stared up at him as he made love to her so slowly and gently that new sobs clogged her throat, the emotions running through her almost too much as he pushed her closer and closer to the edge.

This was it. This was where she'd always belonged.

Being with him.

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**The talk will come in the next chapter which will also be the last. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts! Thank you very much!**

**This is the last chapter! I hope you enjoy!**

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**Chapter 4**

Everything was red. Blood everywhere. His eyes searching hers. The pain in them, the fear, making her throat close up and then he slipped away. His eyes fluttered close. They were carrying him away, into the ambulance, and she climbed in after him, her hand wrapped firmly around his, silently pleading with him to not leave her.

And then came the waiting, everything around her just a blur, the smell of disinfectant, the sterility of her surroundings, the harsh light of the lamps, the red stains on her clothes and then the doctor came out of the operating area and one look at his face and she knew. She knew he was gone. She knew she would never see him again.

_He is dead. We did everything we could but he didn't make it._

Andy shot up in bed, her face wet with tears, her chest heaving as she struggled for the next breath and then she turned her head, looking at him lying beside her and she let out a strangled sob, her hand shaking as she reached for him, her fingers ghosting over his skin as she assured herself that he was really there, that it had just been a nightmare. He wasn't dead. He was here. With her.

She took in a shaky breath, slipping out of the bed quietly and reaching for the blanket on the chair, she wrapped it around her body and stepped into the living room, sliding the door to the porch open and walking outside.

It was chilly and she shivered slightly, walking to the rocking chair in the corner and sitting down, drawing her feet under the blanket and staring into the darkness. She could see the faint line on the horizon, the sun would come up soon and she forced herself to take in deep breaths, her heart still beating wildly in her chest.

Would it ever go away? The nightmares? The fear?

~S&A~

When he woke up the first thing he did was reaching for her. But she wasn't there. He propped himself up on one elbow, searching the room, rubbing one hand over his face to fully wake up. He got out of bed and reached for his sweat pants and shirt, pulling the shirt over his head as he walked into the living room. He spotted her almost immediately, crouched into the rocking chair on the porch and even though he couldn't see her face because it was too dark outside, he knew something was wrong from the way she was sitting there. He walked towards the door, sliding it open quietly and stepping out on the porch.

"Hey." He pulled a chair next to her, sitting down slowly, not sure what to say next.

"You should go, Sam." Andy said softly, barely above a whisper, her gaze still fixated on the horizon.

"No, you are not gonna get rid of me without a fight." His voice was harsh, the words coming out louder than he intended to and her head snapped around, her eyes wide with shock and he added softly. "Not this time."

"Sam, please!" Andy pleaded, the remnants of her nightmare still haunting her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be with him. It was just too much.

"I was awake, Andy." His hands closed around the arm rests of the chair as he leaned forward.

"What do you mean?"

"I heard your speech and I'm sorry that I didn't fight, that I just let you walk out of my life, that I practically shoved you away. But damn it, Andy. I've never said those words to anyone before in my whole life and then you just left to go on an undercover mission without a second thought, minutes after you've given me hope that we could still be together. I thought you would give us another chance." He gulped hard before he continued. "I never loved Marlo. I like her. A lot. But it isn't love. Because my heart belongs to someone else. It belongs to you. I think the moment I fell in love with you was even before you told me you weren't scared because I was there but the moment when you stood in the locker room and lectured me about getting my shit together and acting like a cop for five minutes. You were showing major guts and you didn't even blink an eye when I stripped in front of you. I couldn't provoke you."

"Oh believe me, I've enjoyed the show. You know, the whole abs, boxer briefs, scruff thing you had going. I liked it." Andy shot him a shaky smile, letting out a chuckle as he raised one eyebrow, his mouth turning up into a cocky grin. "What? I'm only a woman."

He pulled her up then, sitting down on the rocking chair himself and drew her back onto his lap and she snuggled into his embrace both watching the sun rise, enjoying the quietness of the early morning but Andy knew they weren't done talking and when the horizon turned red and golden she leaned back, looking up into his face.

"I'm scared." Andy whispered.

"I know." Sam replied quietly, his lips brushing over her forehead. "Me too."

"I've almost lost you. I was convinced you wouldn't make it and I was angry. Angry that you would just leave me again. I know it wasn't rational. You didn't get shot on purpose. But I was sitting in the waiting area and ..." Andy inhaled a shaky breath, biting her lip for one second as the memories of these dreadful hours rushed back, her voice quivering slightly as she continued. "I'm not strong enough to lose you again, Sam."

"You are not gonna lose me. No more running away, okay? This time no one is leaving the other."

"Okay." Andy said, her voice still shaky. "But I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"You'll let me in. Completely."

"Okay." Sam replied softly after only a second of hesitation. "But the same goes for you."

"Okay."

Andy snuggled back into his embrace, feeling the first rays of the sun warming her back and her eyes threatened to fall shut but she didn't want to fall asleep, too scared the nightmare would come back.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it will work this time? That we will work?"

"I can't give you any guarantees, Andy." His hand trailed up and down her spine, his voice low and slightly husky as he added. "You know that. Life doesn't work that way. But I think we deserve another chance. Because I can't live without you. I need you by my side, Andy. I love you. It's as simple as that."

"Simple, huh?" Andy let out a chuckle, leaning back to beam up at him. "Since when is anything between us simple. Since the day we met our relationship is one wild rollercoaster ride."

"True." Sam said, grinning back. "But every relationship has it ups and downs."

Her smile broadened as she looked up at him and she lifted her hand, her fingers skimming over his cheek, her expression suddenly turning serious as she said quietly. "Sam, did you ever cry? I mean after Jerry's death."

"Andy, no!" The words came out sharp, his whole body going rigid, his arms tightening around her. "Please don't go there."

"No!" She leaned back further, her voice turning firm. "You promised. All in!"

"I didn't know you would jump right in."

"We've wasted enough time."

She suddenly stood up and Sam furrowed his brows, confused. Where was she going?

A few minutes later she appeared again, stretching out her hand and dropping something into his. "Here."

He stared down at the object she'd just put there, his throat closing up, like every time he looked at the pocket watch Jerry gave him.

"He was your best friend and I know you still blame yourself for his death. But you should forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"I ... I'm scared to let the grief out. What if I can't pick myself up again when I let myself break down?"

"Then I'll pick you up." Andy told him. "He was your best friend, Sam. And you lost him. Let yourself grieve."

He didn't look up but Andy could see his fingers closing around the pocket watch, the knuckles turning white as he gripped it so hard that the metal was probably leaving marks on his skin, his other hand began to shake and he balled it into a fist.

"It's okay, Sam." Andy slipped back into his lap and she reached for his hand, wrapping hers around his. "It's just me. Let go!"

Frank's words popped up in his brain and knocked the breath out of him.

_You know it's real when she makes you better._ _Even so it's tough sometimes but you are grateful._

And then her arm was around him, pulling him into her embrace and he finally let out the grief, gave up holding back, a strangled sob escaping him as he wrapped his arms around her and let it all out.

He didn't know how long he cried and when he finally stopped he wanted to pull back but she didn't let him. Her hands cupped his face and she pulled his head up, pressing her lips softly against his and he relaxed again. He didn't need to hold back anything. It was just Andy.

"I guess I'm actually a wimp, huh?" Sam joked, his voice still hoarse.

"Stop being ridiculous." Andy scoffed. "You are not a wimp because you're showing feelings, Sam. Don't make me hit you."

A smile spread out on his face and he leaned his head against hers, his voice turning low as he spoke. "I love you, Andy McNally."

"And I love you, Sam Swarek."

They would be okay. They had to. Because he was right. They couldn't live without each other in their lives. They still had to talk about a lot of things. But they would make it work this time. They were meant to be together. It was as simple as that.

* * *

**Thank you to everyone who joined me on this journey. I loved writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it! Until the next time!**


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